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[He takes a slow sip of his tea, going over his thoughts one more time. Picking a place to start.]

I talked to Sharon about...you and me, before you got there. We were talking about people we counted as family, and apparently she and Mayerling had a vision of being married too?

And she said she hadn't realized we were...close like that. Romantically. And I said, well, not quite yet.

I told her then that we probably needed talk about - [He sighs softly.] Oaths. [More quickly, he adds-] The ones we've already taken, I mean.

[sansa's grip tightens on the mug.]

I thought all this was for before the betrothal.

[she's not sure exactly what he's asking, here. she draws a breath.]

I would like to be married, someday, but I would very much like to see if some of my family might come here, before we try to have a wedding. And––I would like to be very sure that Tyrion Lannister does have a first wife, and it wasn't only a dream of Bausphomette's. I don't want anyone to be able to say our vows aren't true, especially if Tywin Lannister shows up intent on dragging me back to Casterly Rock. And––I would like very much for it to be true that our lives here are different to the ones we left behind, and if we were ever to return home it would be as if we never left, but––I'm not certain. I remember I had been so certain at our wedding.

I have noticed that people in Trench seemed to marry very shortly after declaring their intentions. In Westeros you could be betrothed for years. I wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea, in arranging a betrothal.

[she stares down into her tea.]

I did promise the ghosts in the catacombs that I'd retake Winterfell and the North.

[she's not sure what she can do about that, though. surely as long as a sansa stark does it, it all amounts to the same thing?]

Edited 2024-01-30 03:46 (UTC)

[He does blink once, very slowly, when she dives so quickly into 'I would like to be married someday' which feels like...quite a leap. And yet does that answer what he was not quite asking in some ways, doesn't it?

He stays quiet and listens to all of it, trying to rearrange terms and cultural terms in his head.]

Formal betrothal isn't usually a huge...thing where I'm from. Ok, it's definitely is in some parts of the galaxy, for some people, nobility and other people with money and power are going to make those kinds of agreements.

But not anyone I really knew. Kanan and Hera weren't formally anything, pretty much rarely let on they were more than co-workers, even, to people who didn't know them well. Which was to protect each other, mostly, I think.

They just...loved each other. And built a life together, as much they could, in a rebellion.

They're - they're sort of my model for how a Jedi in a romantic relationship can work, without betraying their principles. Since Jedi under the old Order, at least for the least thousand years...didn't, as a rule.

Edited 2024-02-03 23:23 (UTC)

[sansa listens, smiling gently when he talks about his foster family––it's not an arrangement entirely unknown to her, in fact it's the accepted arrangement for same-sex couples in westeros, when she has seen them married in trench.

but her heart plummets when he says the jedi didn't marry as a rule. of course some part of her wants to snap that he didn't say that, that he said it was a tradition, but she holds her tongue and shuts her eyes for a moment. when she speaks, she speaks carefully.]

If you had told me you couldn't marry, I should have been glad to live as Queen Naerys and Aemon the Dragonknight. But now that I've seen a life that we built together, it's very difficult to put aside.

[she draws a breath.]

I can, if I must. I would rather stay as we are than go looking for love with someone else. I do love you, and I would be very happy living as you describe. I don't mean to work out a betrothal right away. But––what you describe does sound very like the marriage we had, in the vision. I knew I couldn't bind you to Winterfell. We had to trust in one another. It still frightens me, a little. I had hoped that someday it wouldn't.

[He doesn't - doesn't know what she means about the queen and her knight. Not really.

He holds himself very still, shoving aside the impulse to snap, at all, to react to her impulse that he feels. But she doesn't act on it, and for that, he is grateful. So he is also careful, if emphatic, when he replies.]

Sansa. [He holds out his hands, to take if she wants.] You were there, when I swore my oath. Did I swear to the Order, or the Republic, or to any other temporal power or restriction that could preclude a marriage?

[sansa's mouth tugs to one side, setting her mug on the coffee table in order to take his hands.]

No. If you had I should never have allowed you to break it on my behalf.

[the horror??]

It was a beautiful oath. It was everything I meant when I bent the knee to Lady Amaterasu. It might make for wonderful wedding vows, someday.

[Ezra wrap his hands gently around hers, and then just...stops for a second, not even breathing, struck by how completely those few sentences cut through so much of the worries he has built up in his mind.

Finally, he chokes out, nearly in tears of relief-]

Force, I love you.

[sansa smiles helplessly.]

I love you too.

[but, there is one thing? she pauses carefully.]

Ezra, I'm not sure what any of this has to do with what I said to Ahsoka.

[Ezra opens his mouth. Closes it. Squeezes her hands gently.]

To be...uncomfortably honest. I knew we had romantic feelings for each other and we were excellent friends and worked well together and we had made our bond.

I wasn't...completely sure, when I was brought here, where we stood. If we were, um. Together.

I thought we were being super careful. Before saying, yes, we're a couple. [He gaze does break. For just a second.]

I think, to feel..like we took that step.I needed to hear out loud, that not just. That you would never ask me to put our relationship before my oath, yes. But maybe even more that - that you didn't want me to. That you didn't feel...second place, or resigned.

[His gaze snaps back to hers.] I don't want that for you. I'm sure we'll have our disagreements. But for you to...start there. As a baseline. No.

Edited (missing word) 2024-02-04 03:25 (UTC)

[sansa frowns a little; she barely understands what a couple is, but she's sure someone asked someone on a date at some point, surely? that does seem to be how it goes in the videos...

the tiny furrow in her brow deepens as he talks about his oath. she doesn't see how their relationship could ever come before it, especially before marriage. she can see how they might come to have conflicting duties, but only under the circumstances sansa strives so hard to avoid.]

I can't see what there is to resign myself to, in your vows. I don't even know what it might look like, if you were to put our relationship before them. Of course we might disagree about things, but––you must have noticed we haven't disagreed about very much, so far.

[she smiles faintly. it's one of the things sansa loves about him. somehow he always manages to reassure her, even when she feels she's talking nonsense. they always seem to be on the same page.]

I thought that––being a couple was when you might like to be married someday, but you haven't arranged a betrothal.

[she pauses, as close to sheepish as she ever gets. but then she brightens a bit, raising her eyebrows.]

Is that why you haven't kissed me?

[He goes quiet a few seconds, and then, laughs, a little helplessly-]

I think I've let Anakin Skywalker's truly bizarre, and self centered takes on any sort of relationship get in my head a little and freak me out. As, like, an anti-role model.

[He shakes his head a little. He doesn't really want to get into Anakin's problems, not right now, not when he and Sansa are getting somewhere. And nods, more openly sheepish.]

Yes. That and not being completely sure you wanted to? [He raises a slightly challenging eyebrow.]

[sansa also laughs because that shouldn't be as relatable as it is...]

I suppose I can't blame you for it; there are more than enough people in my head that I don't want to be.

[she doesn't want to be thinking about lysa arryn right now, why is she thinking about lysa arryn. it does not help to think about cersei instead...she squeezes his hands.]

I didn't want to be Alayne. Alayne would've asked you to kiss her. I never wanted to be false with you.

[Ezra makes a guess.]As a bit of fun or try to bind someone...nice, to her?

It's ok if you, Sansa Stark, want kisses from your...whatever you want to call me. [With a hint of tease-] We can workshop the label bit.

[Much more seriously-]

But it's ok if you're not sure, either. Kisses sounds nice to me, but I can live without them. Only what you're comfortable with, and want to try, ok?

[...that is not entirely what sansa meant....she tries not to feel insulted; laughing a little instead.]

She was bold! She could just ask for things. I don't know how to say it so it feels true.

[she looks down briefly.]

Of course I want kisses. [now she thinks she sounds childish.] It's just––[a little quieter.] I'm not very bold.

[brave, yes––but she is naturally a bit reserved. she prefers to be the one being asked.]

Edited 2024-02-05 19:57 (UTC)

Oh. [He does understand better now, or at least he thinks he does. When you're pretending to be someone else, it can be much easier, to just...do things, yes.

Barely above a murmur-] That can be hard for me, too. [As much as things like how he started this conversation may make it seem otherwise. There's a certain intersection between worrying about hurting someone and worry about being too much and being rejected for it, that lands him in overly careful and hesitant.]

[sansa smiles and slips her arm in his; it's a companionable gesture she performs unthinkingly, borrowed from margaery a long time ago.]

You tell people when you love them. That's bold enough.

[He leans again her, a little, a smile curling.]

Maybe. But I can also do better. Sansa, may I kiss you right now?

[sansa laughs breathily, her heart fluttering.]

Yes.

[perhaps later they can talk about when asking is necessary or not, but right now this is romantic.]

Edited 2024-02-08 19:55 (UTC)

[Ezra doesn't imagine he'll ask every time. The first time, with her, yes, absolutely yes. He wanted no doubts, for either of them.

He shifts to tilt her chin a little, and leans in.

Is it a good kiss? Only she can decide. He's aiming, for gentle and sweet, and it lingers.]

[sansa's heart turns over in her chest and the warm exhilaration she always feels when ezra is near consumes her; so this is what it feels to be kissed by someone she actually likes. she returns the kiss instinctively, and huffs a breathy puff of delighted laughter against ezra's lips. she can't remember the last time she felt this happy, or this alive.]

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